So I decided to end it. To stop all efforts in trying to attract him. In trying to impress him outside of work. I should learn not to expect anything from him from now on. Not special attention that crosses professional boundaries. No sweet nothings. Nada.
This way, we can continue on with business in a more professional-like manner. We can be more efficient and objective. And we can start becoming friends again. All good reasons. Easy for me to see this but I didn't know that the first few days would be so difficult.
I can't look at him without wavering. And he is always getting on my nerves lately even if he isn't doing anything untoward or inappropriate. Twice today, I lashed out at him in public. And the 2nd time seemed harder for him because he stopped approaching me entirely.
Deep in my heart, I know that I have this reaction because the circumstances are not going according to my plan of avoiding too much contact with him. I was acting like a bitch to push him away so I can forget him completely. But why am I feeling bad now? As if I kicked a poor puppy in the face? Didn't I get what I wanted, distance?
I want to apologize personally. Number 1 because we are still coworkers and I overstepped that boundary. Number 2, because whatever I was going through at the time, he was not aware of any of that. Number 3, because it is really wrong to snap at somebody just because they are trying to take your picture.
What should I do? What is the smart thing to do?
