i am g-i-d-d-y

as i've never been so for the longest time. Nothing will be dimming it for a while. Not even the alcohol clogging my system for the past few days. Neither will the fact that the reason I'm feeling this way is overly pathetic.

And even if I want THINGS to happen, it never will. Buti na lang, I was saved by the practicality of my own mind. The practicality to view it as a "super-welcome distraction" to my once-bleak world. Eeeuw. Pero hindi nga, at least I know kung saan ako nakatayo at kung saan siya nandon. Andun sa Makati, at minsan andito. Hahahaha. Ayun kinikilig lang.

Salamat sa suporta guys (insert sarcasm). Kahit nakakahiyang lumabas ang pinakatatagong lihim ko, okay lang. Naka-kiss naman. Hahaha.

Haaayyy......

Kapitolyo Rendezvous with Stefy!

At long last nai-post ko na din ang pics from our Cafe Juanita experience! Started out as Steph's curiosity when she passed by the place, then came research and a little hemming and hawing and we're off to Kapitolyo. And because of this, I'm now starting to look for places with the same feel. The ff are our pictures of the place, with ourselves included:

"selves" portrait

check out their collections of miniature houses! dami!!!

cafe juanita

Aside from the lush feel ng surroundings, masarap din yung food. I specially loved their "mediterranean" offerings. But a big no-no to their cheesecake. Too sour for my taste.

Anyways, our next stop: Ilustrado @ Intramuros and Cosa Nostra @ Malate.

Pre-Christmas Blues

when will the dark days end? these past few months, the darkness have always found a way to make my days gloomy and...dark.hehe. parang somewhere around the corner, something is lurking to pounce on me and ruin my day. sure there are things that eventually cheered me up (i.e. the twilight series, Grey's anatomy, my super cute pamangkin, a new pair of shoes) but i was never content for long.

now that the season for cheer is already near (pag nag-rhyme pa ko, nakuuuu ewan ko na lang..hehe), i just want to wish this away. i don't want to be uncle scrooge resurrected in a female body and scare my tons of pamangkins and inaanaks with a bellow and a frown. so to brighten up my mood a little, here's my unconventional wish list for xmas 08:

1. widen my geographical outlook by going out of town with friends (yani and steph) or going on a solitary trip
2. ituloy ang christmas family reunion despite of weird occurrences. (i miss my cousins..)
3. better health conditions for pops who will be coming home for Christmas kasi may sakit cia.. =(
4. to be with my uber-cute pamangkin/inaanak every week.. the cutest baby who ever graced the planet with his existence (hehe biased). i swear i'll post his pictures if he will sit still long enough for me to take one. hehe.
5. to lose 10 pounds. (to prepare for my hosting stint on december 13.hehe)

and allow me to be a little conventional..
5. a white MacBook
6. a new phone (to replace my ancient 2 year-old v3i)
7. a hardbound copy of "Breaking Dawn"
8. an iPod Touch
9. shoes, shoes and shoes
10. quoting shirleen, bagella, bagella at marami pang bagella

and lastly, my uber-crush of 3-years who doesn't even know i exist. okay, a little pathetic scene for a while there...hehe.. and miraculously, it worked! i'm now all giddy.. just have to make this last for a few hours..

Welcome distraction

Been sick for 5 straight days 2 weeks back. I kinda miss being tucked up with pillows in bed and spoiled rotten by mom. Unlike my two younger brothers (who by the way are way bigger than I am physically), I rarely get sick. I could probably blame my strong immune system but lo and behold, it failed me for 5 glorious days. Ayun, nagkaroon ako ng chance na magamit ang sick leave ko! hahaha, baad.

But now, back to reality, I realized that probably my body just missed being babied a bit. For as long as I can remember kasi, I'm the family "order-taker", mama's gofer, my brothers' tutor and sometimes, assignment and project maker and a whole lot more. So for five days, I was treated like the princess that I would never be. =)

ngaks! i forgot to post my b-day special (wow huh parang tv show lang..hahaha).. and because of the ngaragan that will be happening in the next weeks, mukhang matatagalan pa before i can post my usual stuff and drama.. haayyy.. if only i can call Scotty to beam me up real fast, I will. Just thinking about everything coming up this week is enough for me to scurry and find a hole where i can hide in...

argh

TRY THIS:
- drill a hole on your left temple (don't think about being too careful, just make sure that you did a nice hole)
- then insert a wooden rod as big as a pencil
- then feel around the head like you're stirring juice in a pitcher

and this is exactly how i'm feeling right now... and to think that I'll travel a minimum of an hour to get home (squeezed against ten million people in a packed MRT and LRT and 15 minutes walk from the station to our house.. ). great. fantastic.

oh yes...

why am I happy today? Let me count the ways:

- Wala SIYA! morning, may meeting cia somewhere. At bumalik man ng afternoon, I'll be gone! woohoo! Hopefully, our paths wouldn't cross all throughout this super fine day..

- I listened to The Morning Rush's Top Ten from the first batch up till the last! yipee! One of those first times that I get to do this ever since listening to the radio in the morning was prohibited in the office. Nawawala daw kasi ang concentration. (whatever yaya..)

- At dahil sa Top Ten, I decided that starting today, I'm accepting the state I am in. Never had a special romantic someone and probably won't still have one in the near future. And I'm a-ok with it. I just have to face the truth that maybe it isn't for me at the moment. That probably I'm really better off alone. And I've got to be thankful for all the people who loved me even when I am being bitchy and difficult. Those people made me realize that romantic love is not the only thing that makes the world more beautiful and less difficult to deal with.

- And lastly, I'm happy because of all the things to look forward to (i.e. affordable vacation in November at Quezon Province, dinner with my friends next Friday, my shopping exped with Yani this Saturday, the Philippine premiere of Nights in Rodanthe and my nightly reading session of Stephen King's Dreamcatcher)

To cap all this self-love-fest off, quoting Leo Buscaglia:

"What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life."

Have a good day everyone!

blah

I'm EXHAUSTED.Been going around doing work stuff, non-stop, from Monday till today. And I am yet anticipating the tiredness after my seven o'clock (that's pee-em, after the regular work-hours.. haayy) tomorrow. I know whining wouldn't help but what's a girl to do?!

injustice...

I thought all along that people, especially those belonging in companies I’ve admired and respected because of their unbending and lofty principles, are like the organization they stand for. Little did I know that although they uphold the “rules” and have been “acting fair” around you for the months that you’ve known them, fairness is not always the name of the game. Somewhere along the way, the people you’ve respected will undo your little fantasy world where people have innate goodness. In short, they burst my bubble.

I know I could be overreacting or even a little over-affected, but I know I don’t like it when I am being messed with after conscientiously following the rules. I admit that there are times I am sloppy with things because of over-enthusiasm or too much excitement but I can say that in this case, I did everything a step higher than the usual.

So I can honestly say that I didn’t deserve what happened. YOU are very fortunate that you messed with somebody at the bottom rung of the ladder and a newbie (to add insult to injury). Being what I am (at the moment, at least), I don't have the power to bash you with a dos-por-dos on the head after what you did nor can I froth in the mouth with all the swear words I know. I just hope that the law of karma can find you just fine. Good luck.

huh?

I don't know why whenever I hear this song, my insides turn to mush. Siguro kasi it described in detail what it is that I am currently in. Anyway, here's the song, Real Thing by Kalapana (which makes me miss my very good friend Yani, who will be celebrating her 7th year anniversary with boylet, Bochog.. congrats guys! )

Real Thing
Kalapana

Here comes the night
Once again
I'll be feeling lonely
Oh, if only things could work out like you plan
Where can love be
Tell me why it's so hard to find somebody
Who will stand by me
And take the time to understand
And show me love again

I want the real thing
Or nothing at all
I need someone that I can be sure will catch me
If I should fall
Someone who'll be there when I call
Then I'll know that it's the real thing
I want the real thing
To warm me each night
Someone to love me over and over
Making the future bright
Somebody who will make it all right
Just give me the real thing

Where is the moon?
Won't it smile
On just one more dreamer
Let your beams come down
And fill my empty room
Here comes the night
But if there's still a chance
That love can find me
I'll be here
Crossing my fingers

I want to know for sure
That I can feel secure
Knowing I've found an everlasting love
And once I get that under control
Then I won't let go

in a happy bubble on a monday morning =)

kahit walang morning rush dahil on vacay leave c chico and delle, at wala akong maisip na isuot this morning, i'm still bubbling with happiness because of the following:

- the weather is super agreeable (wet, cloudy and gloomy skies..)
- wala c _______ pagdating ko and got the feeling that i won't be seeing her anytime soon. yahoo!! =)
- malapit na ang payday!
- just downed my second cup of coffee for the morning (usu 1 cup lang dahil sa dami ng gawa...)

at sana tuloy-tuloy until ths afternoon (or until evening para naman hindi maging "rainy-days -and-mondays-always-get-me-down" ang drama ko today..)

happy day!

Party-partyhan (August)

Ayun, party siya. Para pala sa mga August celebrants in the office at para sa boss namin, (I won't mention who, kasi bawal.hehehe) who lives alone in his big beautiful house nung mga panahon na yun (aaww) kaya they decided to provide him with our charming company:

me and shirl

Shempre, picture-an agad pagdating. Kesehodang may konting drizzle, pose lang.

Habang nagluluto c Chrissy at gutom na kami:

Sa swingset (note to Jannet: ok ka lang? help!CPR naman dyan!):
Sa lanai, na we love so much kaya ayun, nag ala-Kamiseta ad theme kami:

Sa den na may super-comfy chair (check-out Shirl's chair) na gusto naming iuwi:
Sa living room:

Ulit with the whole gang naman:
At shempre pagkatapos dinner.. Inuman na!!!

wacky daw:

One bottle of tequila, vodka and a couple bottle of beers later (with me, Mama Sue and Chrissy super drunk dahil kami na lang ang natirang umubos ng tira-tira) the much awaited class picture of Class ITM 2008:

an UBER-HOT night

One random night in the office, my friend Steph suddenly asked me if I'll be doing anything for the rest of the night and if I'm interested to see naked (well, half lang.. and we have to make do with what is there.. hahaha) hot guys . So I was left with two choices: Grey's Anatomy 3rd season marathon+myself or naked hot guys+2 best friends? Out of curiosity (daw), I picked the 2nd one. And off we went to Cosmo's Bachelor Bash! Gen Admish nga lang, but who cares? Anyways, I'll let the pictures tell the story of one hot night:

Habang naghihintay sa labas ng office ni Yani (take note: for 30 minutes na)
Insert caption: "Yani, pag yung mga lalaking yun, nag-bihis na sa sobrang tagal mo, magkalimutan na tayo!"

But of course, lumabas din cia after around 20 more minutes kaya nakaalis din kami sa wakas.
At nagpicture-an habang wala pang interesting (i.e. naked guys) sights:


yani and me

yani, me and stephy (taking advantage of the good lighting)
kami ulit ni yani
at surprise of all surprises, nakita namin si Joyee!!!! weee!!!

at nagpa-picture sa kanya na parang celebrity lang...
And without further ado, eto na sila... na walang sawang inokray at pinagtawanan naming tatlo... nice audiences..


At ito pa:.




Well, hindi naman lahat eh disappointing. May mga mangilan-ngilan na talaga namang nalaglag ang panga namin at tinilian ng di mabilang na babae at otherwise in the vicinity. But sad to say, wala ang usual names like Derek Ramsay and Marc Nelson (na bonggang bonggang hinintay ni Yani, kaso wala talaga...tsk tsk). Oh well, we'll just wait for the next year's, baka sakaling mas madami cla. Many thanks to Stephy, who, once again, provided the tix!!! I so love freebies. hehe =p

Universe, friend, please listen to this silent ranting...

Blog-hopping is sheer torture! Esp when you read that somebody did something that you wished you did but haven't. In my case, it's Chico Garcia relaying his experience at The Farm in Batangas on his blog. I am soooooo green with envy. Why? Because of these things:

Need I say more? Aaaarrrrgggggggghhhhhhh!!!! So please my dearly beloved universe and cosmic chuva (I don't know how to address it..hehehe...), kindly listen to this poor girl's plea.. :D

Photos from www.thefarm.com.ph

something to look forward to

But I really am not sure where to find it. I was lazing half my Sunday away in front of the tube watching Ms. O interview my favorite designer, Vera Wang (as if I can afford her creations... well not now but soon... I swear..hehehe) And right after they made me drool over her latest designs and latest affordable line, Simply Vera, they featured the movie that made me so antsy, I actually Googled it (the last movie that made me exactly like this was SATC the Movie). The movie was Across the Universe, don't know what the stort is all about, yet, but I know that they sang approximately 33 The Beatles' songs! Plus they got Bono to play a part! Woohoo! Got some pics of the movie over the net:



Oh yeah, now I'm sooo intrigued. I can't wait to grab the vid. Especially if this is one of the attractions:
Hotness! Hahahahaha!!!! ;)

Family

Carrie: Wallis was right. The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't, but in the end they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.

-SHORTCOMINGS episode, Sex and the City

Ss napagbuhusan ko ng lahat ng frustrations ko last night, ma and Karl, salamat nang marami :)

terrible night

oh no... I'm like waiting for the ax to fall on Monday. I've had a superbly bad day and I can't talk to my two best friends kasi hindi din ako pwede tonight. I know there's mobile phones and chat pero nothing beats seeing their reactions. Hehe.. Good or bad, doesn't matter. It just feels so good to be understood or at least, listened to by people who really cares. I've come to depend on these two for all kinds of things and I feel so blessed to have met them and be close to them. So mga tsong, Yani and Stephy, salamat at kayo ang nakakaalam ng likaw ng bituka ko. With u guys, I know I'm truly accepted however kooky or corny or mushy I become.

Tama na nga, kadiri na eh. (hahaha...:D)

Here we go again!

“Kat, pupunta tayo dyan!” my friend, Steph, whispered.
“Dapat. Pero one of us should live there. Baka ako yun.” I whispered back.

And we sat that way, dreamy-eyed over an enchanting island, the clear blue-green sea and a bunch of God’s-gift-to-women men. Such were the attraction of the musical “Mamma Mia!” which premiered last July 10, 2008. Playing the feisty, independent single-mom Donna, Meryl Streep once again made the character truly hers. Add three equally gorgeous Europeans who played her three former-beaus; Pierce “The-most-delicious-James-Bond” Brosnan, Colin “Surprisingly-delicious-English Guy” Firth and the other one (hehe sorry not that into him…); made the movie a must-see (well, at least for me..). Another thing made this movie really fun was the sound track, all Abba songs which lured the audience to tap their feet and sing along to “Dancing Queen”, “SOS” and Christine Baranski’s and Julie Walter’s ultra-funny rendition of “Chiquitita”.
But the best, really best things about this movie?

- We watched it on its premiere night.

- The tickets were free! (courtesy of Steph)

- I was with my two bestest friends (Yani and Steph) and we stayed out until 1AM though we all have work the following morning ( which made me gritty-eyed at work the next day…bad cheetah hehe..)…

(again,posted in another blog on July 19, 2008)

miss...miss..miss...

What really inspired me to do this post is the fact that I am missing a lot people. Weird thing is, I miss people I haven’t spoke with in ages! I usually just long for somebody (eeuuww mushiness on the rise… down girl, down..), o sige na nga, miss people I’ve talked with, uhm, say a week or a month ago. ‘Yung tipong fresh pa sa mind yung topic na pinag-usapan namin and yung feel nung surroundings. Siguro nga when people grow older, they somehow yearn for people from their past who can remind them of who they were when when they were younger. I am so bad at getting in touch with people pa naman. Yung tipong what they call as “patay na bata” because I don’t have the habit of texting old friends to ask them how they’re doing. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko but more of wala akong masyadong time to indulge myself. I was once accused of “not caring” or “not being interested” in someone’s affair when in fact, I was just hip deep in some academic thing back in college. Pero sabi nga ng younger brother ko (akalain mong may wisdom pa rin sa PSP/girls-fogged brain nya), it’s still my wrong kasi hindi man lang ako nag-exert ng effort to know their whereabouts. And this time, I’m not gonna hide behind my academic prod work, my law subjects, my former graveyard call center shift and my currently super full activity calendar. So to all people who have touched my life: The Foundation Girls back in high school (I rarely fix myself up back then but they loved me anyway…), all my classmates from 1st grade until the huge classroom called the world, my kapitbahay/friends: irish, arielle (daw cia..), dema and che, at marami pang iba; I’m deeply sorry for being out of touch and reach most of the time. I’ve been wrapped up in my own little world for too long that I forgot the people who helped bring me to where I am right now. I hope I can make it up to you guys. i miss you

(posted in another blog last August 02, 2008)

Alright, alright...

Yeah, I know I didn't make good on my promises, but I just can't resist posting about my latest addiction. Prepare your heartstrings and some tissues to while listening to this list of my newest favorite singer, Corrinne May.

1. Fly Away
2. Little Superhero Girl
3. Journey
4. Everything in its Time
5. and a lot more...

Will be posting about this SOON!

Coming Attraction

I've lots of things to catch up on in this blog. But I've also lots of things on my hands right now so the following are the posts that I'm currently working on and hopefully, launch by next week:
- My "dit" with Dudung in Greenbelt
- Things that I should be thankful for
- Updates on my superbly great life (whatever..)
- My thoughts on "singlehood"
- Plans, plans, plans...
- Lots of other surprises...

Really hope I can work this out by next week... ;-)

The Age of Boredom

The whole office's server was down yesterday ( and oh it was such a perfect opportunity to fill up my long-ignored blog! tsk tsk..), leaving me with nothing to do but backtrack all messages in my mail account's mailbox. While tinkering with my (drum roll please...) ...computer (gotcha! heheheh) yesterday, I found this long buried mail from my officemate. I wasn't even with the company yet when she sent it around. This deserves to be posted in the blog of a twenty-something creature ( I just think it weird calling myself woman, or lady or person...) so here it is.

"Being Twenty-Something"

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."
It is when you
Stop going along with the crowd and
Start realizing
That there are many things about
Yourself that you
Didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder
Where you will
Be in a year or two, but then get
Scared because you
Barely know where you are now. You
Start realizing
That people are selfish and that,
Maybe, those
Friends that you thought you were so
Close to aren't
Exactly the greatest people you have
Ever met, and the
People you have lost touch with are
Some of the most
Important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they
Are realizing
That too, and aren't really cold,
Catty, mean or
Insincere, but that they are as
Confused as you. You
Look at your job... And it is not even
Close to what
You thought you would be doing, or
Maybe you are
Looking for a job and realizing that
You are going to
Have to start at the bottom and that
Scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You
See what
Others are doing and find yourself
Judging more than
Usual because suddenly you realize that
You have
Certain boundaries in your life and are
Constantly
Adding things to your list of what is
Acceptable and
What isn't. One minute, you are
Insecure and then the
Next, secure. You laugh and cry with
The greatest
Force of your life. You feel alone and
Scared and
Confused.

Suddenly, change is the enemy and you
Try and cling on
To the past with dear life, but soon
Realize that the
Past is drifting further and further
Away, and there
Is nothing to do but stay where you are
Or move
Forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder
How someone you
Loved could do such damage to you. Or
You lie in bed
And wonder why you can't meet anyone
Decent enough
That you want to get to know better. Or
Maybe you love
Someone but love someone else too and
Cannot figure
Out why you are doing this because you
Know that you
Aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups
Start to look
Cheap. Getting wasted and acting like
An idiot starts
To look pathetic. You go through the
Same emotions and
Questions over and over, and talk with
Your friends
About the same topics because you
Cannot seem to make
A decision.

You worry about loans, money, the
Future and making a
Life for yourself... And while winning
The race would
Be great, right now you'd just like to
Be a contender!

What you may not realize is that
Everyone reading this
Relates to it. We are in our best of
Times and our
Worst of times, trying as hard as we
Can to figure
This whole thing out.

Introduction #1

I'm letting myself go.

I'm 21, a super single professional young woman who's got everything ahead of her and all I've been doing, alone and otherwise, is mope and whine about things I am stuck with and things that I don't have. All I need to do is step out of the office, walk the streets of EDSA ( some people would probably take a shot on guessing what my work is, but you're wrong... so wrong...hahhaaha) or Makati and I complain about the heat or the traffic or the crowd or anything. I often find myself looking into magazines and I'm off to thinking,"What wasn't I born with this?" or "what does he see in her in the first place?" and lots of other stuff that irritates the living hell out of people I talk to (even myself, whenever I think about it). Pure waste of time, is what it is and I've been indulging myself for quite some time now. And the worst part is, it is making me awfully sad about myself.

I was never content. The only time I can recall being satisfied about anything was when my mom brought our ex-puppy (Sidney) home and I fell in love right then and there. But otherwise, can't think of any other instance. And I have the nerve to tell a confused friend to be content with what is happening now and not worry about the future. Even while writing this down, I kept on deleting, rephrasing and reviewing to my exact specifications and worry that people who might read this (if there would be any...) would find it lacking...or worse, boring. Imagine me while coping with a day's work and you might just go mad watching.

One balmy Sunday afternoon, while staring at my ceiling and contemplating how my room can be cleaned up without me moving (which is nigh too impossible), I received a text message from a friend about one common friend (how confusing can things get?) who already has a child and is currently trudging a difficult time. I can't help but be moved because I know this friend well and we used to spend time daydreaming about things that we will be doing in the future. And now, she probably has to wait and dream other dreams because of the sudden (but not unwelcome) addition in her life. I have lots of friends who are going through tough times and looking at it from their perspective, their worries are more serious than the ones I have running inside my head. Their problems are mostly beyond their abilities to solve or to get out of. All of which, fueled my fevered mind to thinking that, hey, I am not the worst person ever created and I've lots of stuff that I should be thankful for given the circumstances. And right now is as good a time as any to list it all down. I am actually way, way overdue on this, but better late than never, right?

Bone-deep Exhaustion

What does everything come down to? After one long hard day of work, what is it for?

hahaha... just contemplating on the new aches currently forming on different parts of my body...

and the weight that's bearing me down, unable to make me do anything that i have to do...

making me useless...removing any need to feel anything...

forcing me to forget everything that happened during the past month...

every single thing that i've had, and have thought of...

including the single thing that mattered, that kept me going...

and i can't do anything but stand back and just let it happen...