Stupid to be in this rut, waiting. For something to happen. And then nothing does. It would be very difficult to believe if somebody is to tell me that this is not a punishment. Because it sure feels like one. Because nothing else would hurt this much, like being hacked at with a dull and rusted blade. And feeling stupid for ever feeling that way because it all started with a shallow and meaningless ping that morphed into a delusional craving. A stupid obsession containing a mix of scenes that happened and some that happened only in my mind. Scenes that may or may not have meant something, to you or me or to anyone who cared to say a word about it.
If all of this only made sense, I wouldn't be writing it at all.
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