Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

Shouldn't have kept him on as a friend.

Shouldn't have counted on him to be a friend when the need arose (i.e. friend's wedding)

Shouldn't have expected him to be a gentleman after everything he put me through (i.e. making me cry even harder whenever I am starting to when we were still together)

Shouldn't have been too nice and cut him off completely. 

But all of that I did and in the end, he managed to rub his new relationship on my face (I would've been happy for him if he didn't lie about it and made me sound as if I am still clinging to a hope that we will get back together) and ripped my pride to pieces.

I accept now that I have been stupid to let this happen to me and to cry over a person who doesn't deserve my tears and frustration in the first place. I can blame a million different things but I just let them happen to me, I allowed it. 

I am now comforted and happy in turning my back on all things where he is concerned. I guess this really has to happen so I can come to my senses and see him in all his tainted glory. The blinders are now off. I settled and bore all of the consequences.

I need to love myself more so I can get my self-respect back again. Never shall I settle for less than what I want for myself, ever again.